Girls love romance.

You don’t have to be an astrophysicist to know that. This is one of the main aspects of the heart of a woman. While guys may like being in a relationship, to girls it is life.

Look at the movies we watch. Girls get together at sleepovers and watch … let’s just say it’s not National Treasure. We like chick flicks about romance, “awwwing” over the cute way the guy proposes, crying in the sad scenes, and enjoying the love story. Look at the books we read. Obviously, romance is on a girl’s radar.

Girls stress and obsess over relationships. They so deeply desire to be loved, cherished, and adored. They want a guy to appreciate them for who they are. They want to be romanced. Girls define themselves by relationships. As Captivating puts it, “I am a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend. Or, I am alone. I’m not seeing anyone right now, or my children aren’t calling, or my friends seem distant. This is not a weakness in women – it is a glory. A glory that reflects the heart of God.”

Let me make clear that I am not saying obsessing over relationships is necessarily a good thing. Satan has taken the wonderful gift of romance and twisted and perverted it. All I’m saying is a deep desire for relationships (not only romantic – all kinds of relationships) in women is a very good thing.

You may ask, how does this reflect God? You see, God made us in His image. Yes, we are fallen beings. But the essence of who we are, without the sin that pollutes it, actually shows us things about God. For example, girls love relationships. They want to be loved. Likewise, God wants to be loved. He is a very relational God. As Captivating puts it, “God wants to be loved. He wants to be a priority to someone. How could we have missed this? From cover to cover, from beginning to end, the cry of God’s heart is, ‘Why won’t you choose me?’ It is amazing to see how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point. ‘You will find me,’ says the Lord, ‘when you seek me with all of your heart.’ (Jer. 29:13) In other words, ‘Look for me, pursue me – I want you to pursue me.’ Amazing. As Tozer says, ‘God waits to be wanted.’”

To be romanced is a very good, God-given desire. (Just look at Song of Solomon.) Often people get this idea about God that if they give their love story to Him, He will give them some ugly, old, undesirable man. Sure, God knew what He was doing when He CREATED THE UNIVERSE, but in my love life? He doesn’t know what I want in a guy. He doesn’t want me to have fun. It will be some stuffy, awkward relationship run by my parents. I just… I don’t want God to direct my love life.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Consider these facts with me for a second:

God created romance, and He thinks it is a good thing. The author of something surely knows more than anyone else does about it. (Especially when that Author is the all-knowing King of the Universe.)

Another thing… “No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” (Psalm 84:11)

Also, God created you. AND, He created your husband. He knows every single detail about you, and him. He knows your habits, your fears, your history, and even how many hairs are on your head. Considering that, don’t you think He is suited to pick out a person for you?

All this to say that God is NOT clueless when it comes to romance. He loves romance! He created it! He creates two people to love each other, share their lives with each other, and have a family! It is all so very beautiful.

However… this world is fallen. It is sinful. We cannot escape our sin natures no matter how much we try. There will be heartache and pain in this life.

The idea of romance has been warped, and cheapened. Some girls no longer care about being cherished – they just want someone to think they are half-decent and be with them so they’re not alone. Some guys have developed into consumers that look at girls like objects. I think it’s pretty safe to say that the way we’ve been handling this whole romance thing in America has not been working out so well. Broken hearts are the least of our worries. How about the amount of children out of wedlock, abortions, divorces, marriages in strife, sick and twisted things that happen in the dating world…

Oh, and how’s this for a statistic? The divorce rate for Christian families has ACTUALLY SURPASSED non-Christian families.

So clearly, we’re not handling relationships very well in the church either. I feel like, at least in my experience, there are two extremes and then some people in the middle. One extreme is represented by the many, many Christians I know who date just the same as non-Christians, and have no problem with that. Sure, they try not to go all the way before marriage, and they try to only date other Christians, but those are about the only restrictions they put on themselves. They obsess over relationships, mess around, and act like normal teenagers in this area. (Read Leslie Ludy’s books to see where that got her – desperate, lonely, addicted to being with a guy, and confused.)

There is another extreme. The courtship activists. Courtship IS the answer, according to some. Do not get me wrong. I have met many people who have courted/are planning to court and have a great attitude, anhd are loving and graceful. They have good motives and great intentions. However, I’ve also met a few that are judgmental and critical to anyone who does not court, because “that is God’s plan for everyone.” I personally believe that God might lead one person into a courtship relationship, but for another person, it might not be practical, applicable, or possible. They might date, under God’s leading, and with only the right person. (There are a million other things I could say here – at the right age, with parent’s guidance… etc. You get the idea.)

So what’s the deal here? Today I was trying to think of how I was going to write this. I really have no authority in this area. I would love for you to comment with your thoughts. I have not even been in a relationship yet. Still, I’ve learned just a few things, and God has really spoken to my heart two specific things about this broad topic.

First of all, assuming it is God’s will for you to get married and you are not called to singleness, your husband is alive, right now, somewhere on this earth. That should seriously affect the way we treat other guys. If your husband could see how you were acting toward guys right now, would he feel loved and cherished? Or would be feel betrayed? Proverbs 31, which is such a beautiful picture of a woman, says that a righteous woman will do her husband “good and not evil, all the days of her life.” Does it say after she is married? No… all the days of her life. A practical idea to help you when you feel lonely about not being in a relationship is writing a journal to your future husband, that you can give to him on your wedding day. That has really helped me put a whole new perspective on my relationship with guys.

Second of all, GOD should be our number 1. Ultimately, He is our Bridegroom. He loves us and is jealous for our attention. HE cherishes us. He is perfect. He won’t let us down like guys on this earth will. Until we get that figured out, we have no business trying to figure out a relationship with a person. 1 Corinthians 7:34 says, “And the unmarried…woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.” The NIV says “her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.” Basically what that is saying is that singleness is a unique time in a girl’s life. It is the only time she has no family to worry about. She can go on a missions trip without a second glance, because she doesn’t have children and a husband. Oh-so-many girls are completely focused on their relationships with guys instead of treating them as brothers in Christ, helping each other glorify God and follow God’s plan. So many waste this opportunity of being single. We need to focus on our love of Christ in this time!

Okay… I’m just going to have to stop myself here. I could seriously write an entire two more pages on this. I apologize for my ramblings. If you read this whole thing, I would like to give you a piece of candy. Remind me if I see you. ;)

I hope you all realize how much God loves you, and wants to have a relationship with you. No – I don’t mean saving you from hell, although of course He wants to do that. I mean beyond that. He wants you to think of Him first when you wake up, and again when you fall asleep. Go on a date with God! Grab your Bible and ask Him to show you things. Pray to Him. He is jealous – jealous! – for your attention. Is God your fire-insurance policy, or is He your best friend? For real, Jesus Christ wants to spend time with you. He cherishes you. Look to Him first. Then, when God brings the right man along and says, “Go, it’s time, I created him and I love him and he is the man for you” - you can enjoy a God-scripted love story, which is way more beautiful than anything you could have created.