Girls love romance.

You don’t have to be an astrophysicist to know that. This is one of the main aspects of the heart of a woman. While guys may like being in a relationship, to girls it is life.

Look at the movies we watch. Girls get together at sleepovers and watch … let’s just say it’s not National Treasure. We like chick flicks about romance, “awwwing” over the cute way the guy proposes, crying in the sad scenes, and enjoying the love story. Look at the books we read. Obviously, romance is on a girl’s radar.

Girls stress and obsess over relationships. They so deeply desire to be loved, cherished, and adored. They want a guy to appreciate them for who they are. They want to be romanced. Girls define themselves by relationships. As Captivating puts it, “I am a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend. Or, I am alone. I’m not seeing anyone right now, or my children aren’t calling, or my friends seem distant. This is not a weakness in women – it is a glory. A glory that reflects the heart of God.”

Let me make clear that I am not saying obsessing over relationships is necessarily a good thing. Satan has taken the wonderful gift of romance and twisted and perverted it. All I’m saying is a deep desire for relationships (not only romantic – all kinds of relationships) in women is a very good thing.

You may ask, how does this reflect God? You see, God made us in His image. Yes, we are fallen beings. But the essence of who we are, without the sin that pollutes it, actually shows us things about God. For example, girls love relationships. They want to be loved. Likewise, God wants to be loved. He is a very relational God. As Captivating puts it, “God wants to be loved. He wants to be a priority to someone. How could we have missed this? From cover to cover, from beginning to end, the cry of God’s heart is, ‘Why won’t you choose me?’ It is amazing to see how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point. ‘You will find me,’ says the Lord, ‘when you seek me with all of your heart.’ (Jer. 29:13) In other words, ‘Look for me, pursue me – I want you to pursue me.’ Amazing. As Tozer says, ‘God waits to be wanted.’”

To be romanced is a very good, God-given desire. (Just look at Song of Solomon.) Often people get this idea about God that if they give their love story to Him, He will give them some ugly, old, undesirable man. Sure, God knew what He was doing when He CREATED THE UNIVERSE, but in my love life? He doesn’t know what I want in a guy. He doesn’t want me to have fun. It will be some stuffy, awkward relationship run by my parents. I just… I don’t want God to direct my love life.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Consider these facts with me for a second:

God created romance, and He thinks it is a good thing. The author of something surely knows more than anyone else does about it. (Especially when that Author is the all-knowing King of the Universe.)

Another thing… “No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” (Psalm 84:11)

Also, God created you. AND, He created your husband. He knows every single detail about you, and him. He knows your habits, your fears, your history, and even how many hairs are on your head. Considering that, don’t you think He is suited to pick out a person for you?

All this to say that God is NOT clueless when it comes to romance. He loves romance! He created it! He creates two people to love each other, share their lives with each other, and have a family! It is all so very beautiful.

However… this world is fallen. It is sinful. We cannot escape our sin natures no matter how much we try. There will be heartache and pain in this life.

The idea of romance has been warped, and cheapened. Some girls no longer care about being cherished – they just want someone to think they are half-decent and be with them so they’re not alone. Some guys have developed into consumers that look at girls like objects. I think it’s pretty safe to say that the way we’ve been handling this whole romance thing in America has not been working out so well. Broken hearts are the least of our worries. How about the amount of children out of wedlock, abortions, divorces, marriages in strife, sick and twisted things that happen in the dating world…

Oh, and how’s this for a statistic? The divorce rate for Christian families has ACTUALLY SURPASSED non-Christian families.

So clearly, we’re not handling relationships very well in the church either. I feel like, at least in my experience, there are two extremes and then some people in the middle. One extreme is represented by the many, many Christians I know who date just the same as non-Christians, and have no problem with that. Sure, they try not to go all the way before marriage, and they try to only date other Christians, but those are about the only restrictions they put on themselves. They obsess over relationships, mess around, and act like normal teenagers in this area. (Read Leslie Ludy’s books to see where that got her – desperate, lonely, addicted to being with a guy, and confused.)

There is another extreme. The courtship activists. Courtship IS the answer, according to some. Do not get me wrong. I have met many people who have courted/are planning to court and have a great attitude, anhd are loving and graceful. They have good motives and great intentions. However, I’ve also met a few that are judgmental and critical to anyone who does not court, because “that is God’s plan for everyone.” I personally believe that God might lead one person into a courtship relationship, but for another person, it might not be practical, applicable, or possible. They might date, under God’s leading, and with only the right person. (There are a million other things I could say here – at the right age, with parent’s guidance… etc. You get the idea.)

So what’s the deal here? Today I was trying to think of how I was going to write this. I really have no authority in this area. I would love for you to comment with your thoughts. I have not even been in a relationship yet. Still, I’ve learned just a few things, and God has really spoken to my heart two specific things about this broad topic.

First of all, assuming it is God’s will for you to get married and you are not called to singleness, your husband is alive, right now, somewhere on this earth. That should seriously affect the way we treat other guys. If your husband could see how you were acting toward guys right now, would he feel loved and cherished? Or would be feel betrayed? Proverbs 31, which is such a beautiful picture of a woman, says that a righteous woman will do her husband “good and not evil, all the days of her life.” Does it say after she is married? No… all the days of her life. A practical idea to help you when you feel lonely about not being in a relationship is writing a journal to your future husband, that you can give to him on your wedding day. That has really helped me put a whole new perspective on my relationship with guys.

Second of all, GOD should be our number 1. Ultimately, He is our Bridegroom. He loves us and is jealous for our attention. HE cherishes us. He is perfect. He won’t let us down like guys on this earth will. Until we get that figured out, we have no business trying to figure out a relationship with a person. 1 Corinthians 7:34 says, “And the unmarried…woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.” The NIV says “her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.” Basically what that is saying is that singleness is a unique time in a girl’s life. It is the only time she has no family to worry about. She can go on a missions trip without a second glance, because she doesn’t have children and a husband. Oh-so-many girls are completely focused on their relationships with guys instead of treating them as brothers in Christ, helping each other glorify God and follow God’s plan. So many waste this opportunity of being single. We need to focus on our love of Christ in this time!

Okay… I’m just going to have to stop myself here. I could seriously write an entire two more pages on this. I apologize for my ramblings. If you read this whole thing, I would like to give you a piece of candy. Remind me if I see you. ;)

I hope you all realize how much God loves you, and wants to have a relationship with you. No – I don’t mean saving you from hell, although of course He wants to do that. I mean beyond that. He wants you to think of Him first when you wake up, and again when you fall asleep. Go on a date with God! Grab your Bible and ask Him to show you things. Pray to Him. He is jealous – jealous! – for your attention. Is God your fire-insurance policy, or is He your best friend? For real, Jesus Christ wants to spend time with you. He cherishes you. Look to Him first. Then, when God brings the right man along and says, “Go, it’s time, I created him and I love him and he is the man for you” - you can enjoy a God-scripted love story, which is way more beautiful than anything you could have created.

Do you know what the tabernacle is? According to the Old Testament, the tabernacle was the portable dwelling place for God’s presence from the time of the Exodus (exit) from Egypt through the conquering of the land of Canaan (Israel). Find out more about the tabernacle here.

Bear with me, folks. I will attempt to show you how this relates to your heart. :) Basically, God gave Moses instructions – meticulous instructions – on how to build the temple, and the upkeep was very important. The rules involving entering the tabernacle – especially the innermost circle – were even more rigorous. Only the High Priest was allowed to go into the Holy of Holies, and only once a year – on The Day of Atonement. The presence of God is a big deal.

Under the new covenant that came with Jesus’ sacrifice, God’s presence is no longer in a physical tabernacle. We don’t have to travel to Israel and go to a certain plot of land to access God’s presence. Through Jesus Christ, we can confidently access the throne of grace – we don’t need a priest as a mediator. Also, we have the Holy Spirit, so God now lives in us. This has huge implications.

Once we become saved, our heart becomes the temple of God. God’s presence goes WITH US.

Wow.

Leslie Ludy, in her book Set Apart Femininity, presented an interesting parallel between our heart as a woman, and the tabernacle of God in the Old Testament. There are three sections to the tabernacle: the outer court, The Holy Place, and The Holy of Holies.

In today’s day and age, girls are told more and more to just be real, and to give themselves away more and more emotionally and physically. Females like Fergie who just give themselves away to be seen literally to the whole world are more popular and attractive than appropriate, moral, Christian girls. Now, more and more, girls treat guy friends just like girl friends, chatting with them late into the night, spilling their deepest secrets to them like it is no big deal.

In the movie Titanic (totally inappropriate by the way unless you have Clearplay), the main character Rose says, “A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets.”

I feel like in this day and age, this is becoming less and less true. The character of a woman is being warped by the culture more and more. We are becoming more “independent,” and more and more like men in many ways. We are taught to deny our emotions and just give ourselves away to whatever Bozo comes along.

Leslie’s basic message in this chapter is that a woman’s heart should be like the tabernacle of God. The outer court is where acquaintances and friends have access to. General things about ourselves.

Very close friends and family members we trust have access to the Holy Place. This is where our fears, insecurities, shortcomings, life details, and secrets lie. People that we intimately trust are in this inner circle. We shouldn’t just meet some guy on the street and spill our guts to him. We should not be an open book. We deserve more than that.

Next – the Holy of Holies. This is where our deepest, darkest, innermost secrets are. Basically God and your husband have access to this place. It is the “deep ocean of secrets” that Rose talks about. This is where deep wounds and hurts lie, along with our deepest dreams and hopes.

There are several examples in my own life and countless in the lives of other girls where girls get emotionally involved (even in a friendship! It doesn’t have to be a relationship) and basically tell guys way more than is appropriate for the level of friendship. Think of it this way: if your future children could see your interactions with your guy friends right now, would they be saying, “Mom, that’s not Dad! What are you doing?” or would they feel honored and cherished even now?

Leslie gives the story of one girl (we’ll call her Jessica) who met a nice Christian guy, and they started dating. Jessica spent lots of quality time with this guy, and she really began to trust him. She spilled everything to him – everything about her and her family, her hopes, her fears, her desires – the deep parts of who she was. In her mind, this was an emotionally-involved relationship in which they deeply cared for each other. In his mind, it was just a relationship with some girl. In a month or so, they broke up, and she could not believe all that she had told him. All that she could have saved for the special man one day who would actually care about her – her husband.

Our hearts should be sacred, and special. Only very close, trusted friends should be let into the Holy Place, and we should save the Holy of Holies for our husband, and obviously God. Clearly this is not a completely exhaustive, strict set of guidelines, and we don’t want to be secretive or cagey, but we do want to be cautious with what we tell guys. Girlfriends are just different than guy friends. They just are. Things should be kept appropriate, and we should try to honor our future husbands in our conversations even now! The general idea is to keep some things personal.

Your heart is special. Especially as a woman, you should have an air of mystery. You are not an open book for any random Joe Schmoe of the street to come read. In the American culture this is being undermined more and more, but that means we should fight for it more and more!

This kind of continues Christine’s last post on guarding our hearts. Let’s remember to keep some things personal, sacred, and special. You are precious to God, and He has something better for you than some guy who doesn’t really treasure what is very important to you. In the next post, Christine is going to begin a sort of mini-series on the heart of a woman, specifically. Should be great. :)

Add a comment below if you have thoughts to add. We’d love to hear!